i forgot::D

For some out of wack reason, i completely forgot i had a blog. LOL....i guess following everybody on facebook kinda defeated the point. But then you can't write such novels on Facebook...so here we are:D its fun to see everyone so happy and content. It just makes me thankful that there are still good things in life and happy people^_^
Life certainly have had it's surprises lately. Well all may seem good right now...i still have a long road ahead! I did get some doctors tests back today from the diabetic doctor and my diabetes is the best it's been in six years. CAN YOU BELIEVE that? 6 whole years and i'm doing a pretty amazing job. I can't say enough how happy and proud of myself that makes me:D happy happy day!<3

it's amazing...

i know i haven't blogged for awhile...things have been crazy!! with work and relationships...who has time for anything anymore!!! today i am full of joy and relief. full of gratitude and thankfulness for the trials and tribulations in my life and the people who truly have saved me from myself. The past couple of months i've had to deal with many hardships, many things i didn't think i had the ability to overcome. There are a small handfull of people who i owe my everything to. Who i have to thank for my very being. And i know these people know who you are. A little bit ago i hit my lowest low. I didn't know myself anymore. I lost who i was. I was so caught up in being in love with someone who only shared the same feelings some of the time and being so hurt and crused by every little thing it was hurting me and dragging down. This person, this person who i thought was my everything pushed me away, pushed me away so far...i cracked. But it's for this person that i thank from the bottom of my heart for doing so because it opened a whole new world for me. Out of this hole...there were 3 amazing people i met that made me feel like no other. That let me see that i could be happy, that there were other people out there so willing to love and care for me freely...rather than when it was convienent for them. They showed me that i was okay by myself, that i didn't need to be attached to someone so much to be happy, that i was an amazing person by myself. They taught me to let go, and that it was okay to let go. I am relieved and a huge burden has been lifted off of me. I am okay. i will be okay. Its unfortunate that i had to go through hell and back to finally get to this point in my life...but i wouldn't trade it for anything. I learned an amazing lesson and i've finally found myself again. I've found my confidence and love for life. These people may never know how much they mean to me and how very thankful i am that they had the patience and love to give to me to show me life again. I love you guys from the depths of my heart. Thank you for loving me, for showing me who i am. For bringing me back to life<3

Weeeeeeeeee!!!

So tonight was Twilight night, and can i say i simply LOVED it. I was worried because i heard from a lot of people that it wasn't that great and they were dissapointed. i got a little worried because I made Taylor come and so i was freaking out thinking i made him come to this movie that was going to be crap. But just my luck it was AMAZING and he LOVED it and even said he wanted to buy it on video already. Hee hee...go me!! There were parts i wish they wouldn't have left out of the movie, but hey...i left very happy. i'm so glad i went with people i loved and they enjoyed it too!! i can't wait for New Moon!! * that is if they make it*

and oh yeah!!...

Midnight showing of the best movie in the whole entire world...November 21st midnight at edwards theater...
who's with me? I'd love to go with everyone and anyone! <3

Hooray for the Weekend!!

I live for weekends...the only reason is because that's the busiest time at work and that's where i make all my money from. sad huh? LOL
It was an interesting week for all america. All i can say is i'm happy that all the negative campaning is over, but i'm not happy that all i hear is
"OMG the world is over!!"
"We are all going to be slaves!"
"Terrorists are going to take over our country!"
It makes me sad because i feel no one has any faith anymore. Granted no i did not vote for Obama, i am interested to see what the next year...and the next four years entail for us as Americans. Is our country going to blow up? are we really going to be slaves? is the world actually over? I can't answer those questions and i do believe no one on this whole earth can. But i do know that these are the times of the last days and that things do happen for a reason and Heavenly Father still has watch over us. We are all still united as free Americans and we still need to stick by each other. It seems like a lot of people have forgotten that at this election time. I know i have great faith that whatever happens next for our country is what was meant to happen and it's all part of the plan.
I have also done a horrible job at planning my sister's wedding. it's still a long way off...but i've done absolutely nothing...UGH
I can't believe it's Thanksgiving/Christmas time already. Holy time goes by fast.
I also sort of had a wake up call this week as well with my own personal experiences. I don't know what made me realize this...but... I am the biggest people pleaser that i've ever met. Holy cow...It's like i change myself to make others happy, but what do i do to make myself happy? well the easy answer is, duh, change for other people. But what does that do for me? I have no sense of who i am, just what i need to be for other people. And that really made me sad. I know what's in my heart and what i love doing for people i love and care about...but i'm working on the road to finding where i fit in and who i really am. And to be honest it's been kind of a process because it's easy to fall back into my own ways.
Other than all this, i'm still just chugging away:) I just for once want to have a positive outlook on my life and all things i go through. To appriciate my bad times just as much as my good ones because it's both good and bad i need to learn and grow from and i can't have one without the other. Now i finally feel that i really am doing the best i can ^_^

Seven Things

I have been tagged by my lovely Clanky-poo!! Here are 7 things about me:)

#1. Despite everything everyone says...i want to get married. I know a lot of people say i'm lucky for waiting and i need to be glad that i'm single, but i'm so over it and i'm so over playing the dating game!

#2. I know the Twilight series is fictional...but seriously? who WOULDN'T want to be a vampire?

#3. I was just telling Clancy the other day i have this wierd reocurring dream that i'm pregnant and have my baby, but i always loose it, like i misplace my baby... i don't know what it means!! :'(

#4. I want to be able to sing like Mariah Carey. I've adored her since i was about 6 years old

#5. Put a tub of fry sauce in front of me and i could eat it plain, and probably all of it

#6. I'm going to own a Victoria Secret one day

#7. i really wish i was a better cook. i love to cook... but unfortunately i don't do it very well. Everytime i attempt to cook anything i do at least one thing wrong. like for instance the other night i was cooking dinner for taylor and i, and i was doing so good with the noodles and the peas and the sauce...but the rice? i have NO idea how i burnt the rice, but it turned out horrible. It was a sad day...

YAY!! those are my 7 things!!! Who do i tag? I tag, stevie,ashley,kristine, Laura, Kristin, Christina, and lynette!! have fun girls!! ^_^

lunch with friends

I just happened to have a very good lunch with some lovely girls i unfortunately don't get to see as much as i want to. it was nice to get away from reality and sit and relax and be with people who care. It was the highlight of my week:) thanks girls! i love you all

engaged!?!?!?!?

well it's finally official...my baby sister got proposed to last night. Holy wow!!! her and her now fiance came dwn last night and he asked my parents for permission to marry her and my sister thought they were leaving back to pocatello when Steve started taking this country road and on the way he was explaining his grandma to her and how she taught him everything h needed to know about life and how much he looked up to her and he ended up taking her to his grandma's old house (which from my understanding was now just a pile of wood because it burned down) but he took her there because his grandma meant so much to him and he meant so much to her so he proposed to her there. And of course her ring was gorgeous and when i saw her she was so happy. it made me so happy. Just the look on her face!! she was absolutely glowing! so i'm the maid of honor. yay:) hahaha. they haven't got a specific date yet...but i do no it probably will be a spring or summer wedding. i'm kinda excited! And steve is planning to take my sister to paris for thier honeymoon. Holy jealous. So that's that i guess. I get to start help plan a wedding!

sad...

so i woke up yesterday morning with a really scratchy throat and what not...i had a double to work yesterday and it was a nightmare, After spilling a diet coke all over a baby and droping plates and messing up orders...i could BARELY talk to my customers. I got a lot of "what?" "huh?" "are you sick" "why are you talking funny". it was irritating. It's more irritating because it doesn't hurt...my throat does NOT hurt but it sounds like i just got my tonsils removed or something. so i had taylor be my voice today and call into work for me and try to get my shift covered. I now appriciate the ability to talk and communicate SO much better now. I'm miserable...:'(

What is love? baby don't hurt me...dont hurt me..no more!!

ugh. I have a dilema. i don't even know where to start. love is such a simple, yet such a complex thing. And i just don't know what to do anymore. I've had many many people ask...what are you going to do carmen? ( most of you know the story of my oh so fabulous love life. and if you do not..let me know and i will tell you;)) And the only answer i really have is...i've done everything i possibly can, far and beyond anything anyone should ever do for somebody to get their attention and i do not believe there is anything more i could do to make somebody realize that i'm what they need and want and BASICALLY already have. So i'm leaving it up to god. i've really REALLY done all i can. and somedays i really wonder if that truly was enough. but then i sit back, and look at everything i've done, everthing i've been through and i have to say...yes...that was enough. Almost too much really. i easily get frustrated though. when does it stop...or start? when do i get my happily ever after...or even a start to my happily ever after? I will be 24 next year and i hate that the society in this town make single people over the age of 21 feel old for not being married yet. i feel awful because i have such strong feelings for one person and because of that i don't see the need for dating because i'm like...what's the point? if that person i went on a date with started to have stronger feelings than me, i couldn't recpirocate the feelings back...i just feel like i'm constantly flying through a black hole...one i either want to be thrown out of...or finally come to just some sort of...i don't even know...stop to all this madness?
I live such a crazy life. I'm some sort of a massochist at times...i know i bring a lot of pain on to myself. what does one do?

Everything's Bigger in Texas!!

So i'm sorry to all that have tagged me on blogs and whatever else but HOlY BUSY i've been!! After 3 weeks of trying to convince every memeber of the management team that i need to work at texas roadhouse, i FINALLY got the job on Monday...well a week ago and i've loved it ever since. It's SoOO much fun and all the people are amazing. It kinda sucks cause i think there's like...3 of us that don't smoke or drink like it's going out of style, but there are some kick butt people i work with and they all are so eager to help me, to talk to me...it's just way way fun:D so i aven't really been on top of my blog because one...i haven't waitressed in like...8n months and it's SUCH a fast paced environment that i actually got done thursday night and went home in tears because i hurt so bad. waitresing is a hard industry! but i love it:D So just thought i would let you all know:D come visit me anytime!!!!!!!!!!

i don't hate a lot of things, but i know i do hate...

the stupid world of warcraft game. don't get me wrong. I've played it and i enjoy playing it from time to time, but it takes away peoples minds. it's horrible. these people that can just sit there for 8 hours straight and just play play play. i really don't get it. I mean i get it if you are sick or there realy is nothing to do...sure hop on and play for a bit. but to totally block out your friends an family and people that really need you and want you, it's rediculous.
the first chance i get i'm bombing blizzard entertainment for taking people away from things that matter most...

that's my vent for today ^_^

can i just explain how happy i am that twilight is coming out 3 WEEKS EARLIER THAN PLANNED!!!!!!!!!!! holy heck...
love it!

okay i'm better:)

so i've been feeling better about things. I think i just needed to vent because i keep a lot of things in. i know that's a big no no...but sometimes i can't help it! I feel more better about the "boys" issue. The past couple days i've really been trying to talk to adam and taylor...and we are just 3 people that have been deeply hurt trying to find our way back to happiness. And we have each other:) and it's amazing how everyone has thier own demons. Last night i went out with taylor adam and adrien ( he is the other roommate) and just listening to all of them talk and share thier heartaches was very heartrenching, but it amazed me at the same time how similar we all were. i think we were all brought together by some reason and i'm very glad it happened;) And they all were so sweet! they praised me for being part of thier home. they all said that it wasn't complete and something was missing when i wasn't at home with them!! i was so flattered. lol...they call me the "third" roommate...or adrien refers to me as Elaine ---from seinfeld and taylor is jerry....adrien is kramer, and we haven't quite decided what adam is...he's kinda like the second jerry. tee hee. But poor adam, i worry about him often. I see myself in him on how he deals with heartache. and it makes me really sad because i had to go through so much for so long to finally be...sane. And i don't want anyone else to have to go through that. After applebee's we went back home and tay and adrien went upstairs and adam sat downstairs to watch tv and i peaked around the corner and he was starting to talk to him mom and he yelled for me to come back and he asked for a hug and just started to cry. it broke my heart!! :'( i felt so hopeless!! So i held him for a bit and he felt better afterwards...but really... i know i couldn't say or do anything to make his pain go away. Nobody i ever talked to could...but i knew just being there for him, just being a shoulder to cry on and someone who understood was all i could do for him right now. we are a good support system for each other:) but i am very thankful to be part of this household of boys. i've learned so much and i love that they are kinda dependent on me!! there is nothing more i love than knowing i'm needed. I guess i'm kinda wierd that way lol. And as far as job situations are going, it just seems that that burden has been taken away. everything is beginging to go right for a change! i'm kinda excited! Its so easy to forget the things you should be thankful for when you are sad and hating the world. i'm working on it! ^_^

Ugh...Irritation...

akhfdasljghskhgalks!!!! That's my morning word for the day. i've been so irritated with life lately...i need a good pick up. OR SOMETHING!! i have my second interview at texas roadhouse today so i pray pray pray that i'm getting it! so that hopefully will take care of my money issue. Other than that...
I hang out with a lot of guys..mostly because all my girlfriends are all married and too good for me:P okay so not all...but most have husbands or families to take care of and cant live the "oh so glamorous" single life with me...RIGHT!!!!!!!!! But my boys really are all i have left...and lately...it's been rater irritating. I guess in short...Taylor and i have a "special" relationship...long story. But he recently just had a breakup. So whenever he talks about girls and what not he always talks about how anti-girl he is and how evil they are and how awful all his exes were ( and yes i am an ex...but i was NOT an awful one. i'm the only girlfriend he's ever had to dump:( )and this and that and how no girls like him, don't think he's hot...blah blah blah. now i have unconditionally loved this kid forever it seems like...and just when he talks like this..when i'm RIGHT there... i'm like..um..hello? I'm right here? I know when he talks about bad relationships i know better that i don't fall into that category...because i was perfect in every way;)...but seriously? I just feel kind of hurt...maybe i think to highly of myself..i don't really know...but it just seems like whatever i say it doesn't matter...that all my feelings and actions go out the door because i'm nobody special. like what does it matter coming from me if i say "hey you look really good today?" When he will only give a good response if some hot bimbo whatever would have said that to him it would have made his day. so i'm guessing i feel more of less insignificant. I know i dont exactly fall into the normal category of an ex because we stayed such good friends...but still...some things just bug. And where adam is going through relationship trash too...they get to do guy bonding time with how much they hate the women race...granted they know without a doubt that they both can talk to me about ANYTHING... i've gone through relationship hell too!! but i don't get the luxury of getting to talk about how much i've been hurt...or how much i still do hurt...and i think i really miss that. It's like they both can sit there and talk about women...but heaven forbid if i talk about a guy.

it just comes to the great conclusion
Life just is not fair...:'(
*thanks for listening:)

so it's a little late, but i had a fun day. I was SUPPOSED to have a job interview at Texas today, but that totally fell through until tomorrow...so we will see how that goes. But apparently Brad from Z103 is really good friends with the manager, Milt that works there, so hopefully he will put in a good recommendation for me. I hope so...o need a job like...stat. But my first day at Victoria Secret is Thursday, SO! i'm pretty excited about that. Other than that... i spent most of my day just hanging out. Tay is really sick so i helped him do some things and Me, him and Adam had a super yummy dinner. tay's chicken is the best. YAY...so other than that...pretty uneventful day...gotta love that. Yay...yay...yay
My mom finally comes home Sunday...but she will only be home 2 weeks before she has to leave again. Blah. I'm glad she loves her job though. Makes me happy. :)

I hate getting sick!! or whatever it is i was!!

So, gross...
i woke up yesterday morning just feeling like a big pile...head hurt, tummy ache, nausea...blah. so i started to get ready for mack's baptism and i just couldn't handle it! Of running to the bathroom i went. It was bad! i couldn't even keep water down. so very sadfully i called clancy and told her the bad news. i felt horrible for missing one of my favorite people's big day! So i got back into my pj's...got a big thing of water, even though i couldn't keep it down, and went back to bed. 7 hours later...which by then was 8 o clock..i finally woke up and was able to move around without wanting to throw up! So i got in the shower, got ready, went and ate with adam and tay, where adam flirted with one of the waitresses he thought was "sooooo hot" and she was actually really cute. Adam needs a good girl. Heck! i need a good guy!! hehehe So then i went home and you know what? i was able to sleep until about noon today...soooooooooo i sure hope that whatever got me down has got out of my system, because that wasn't fun! :'(

hmm well... i haven't quite figured out how to put movies on here... but as soon as i figure it out then you will get to see it!!!