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Wednesday, September 24

What is love? baby don't hurt me...dont hurt me..no more!!

ugh. I have a dilema. i don't even know where to start. love is such a simple, yet such a complex thing. And i just don't know what to do anymore. I've had many many people ask...what are you going to do carmen? ( most of you know the story of my oh so fabulous love life. and if you do not..let me know and i will tell you;)) And the only answer i really have is...i've done everything i possibly can, far and beyond anything anyone should ever do for somebody to get their attention and i do not believe there is anything more i could do to make somebody realize that i'm what they need and want and BASICALLY already have. So i'm leaving it up to god. i've really REALLY done all i can. and somedays i really wonder if that truly was enough. but then i sit back, and look at everything i've done, everthing i've been through and i have to say...yes...that was enough. Almost too much really. i easily get frustrated though. when does it stop...or start? when do i get my happily ever after...or even a start to my happily ever after? I will be 24 next year and i hate that the society in this town make single people over the age of 21 feel old for not being married yet. i feel awful because i have such strong feelings for one person and because of that i don't see the need for dating because i'm like...what's the point? if that person i went on a date with started to have stronger feelings than me, i couldn't recpirocate the feelings back...i just feel like i'm constantly flying through a black hole...one i either want to be thrown out of...or finally come to just some sort of...i don't even know...stop to all this madness?
I live such a crazy life. I'm some sort of a massochist at times...i know i bring a lot of pain on to myself. what does one do?

2 comments:

Beau, Amanda, Gracie, and Evie said...

Carms...I just found your blog..and I would like to tell you that eventually the heart ache does end. I promise. Just be patient and keep the faith dolly. Sometimes we get pushed to limits we don't understand and we don't know why. If you need ANYTHING just let me know darling!!

Sar Bear said...

I love you Carms!